So I've been pretty selfish with my 4 day weekend, and I haven't done a proper blog. I know you all have been starving for lack of a decent recipe round here too. And OHHHH all the culture you've been missing from my blog. He he he!!! Well ... I'm back, and I'll be posting regularly again. Now don't be too upset with me ... I did post a bit of fodder on my days off, I'm not COMPLETELY heartless. Ya know?
I will make apologies for my lack of commenting though. I do love getting comments, and now I'm wayyyy behind in doing that on all your fine blogs. Bear with me ... I'll be getting to the posts by and by.
Now ... on with the show, let's see if I can find a funny!
NEW YORK - Idaho resident Kathy Evans brought humiliation to her friends and family Tuesday when she set a new standard for stupidity with her appearance on the popular TV show, ' Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. '
It seems that Evans, a 32-year-old wife and mother of two, got stuck on the first question, and proceeded to make what fans of the show are dubbing ' the absolute worst use of lifelines ever. '
After being introduced to the show ' s host Meredith Vieira, Evans assured her that she was ready to play, whereupon she was posed with an extremely easy $100 question. The question was: ' Which of the following is the largest? '
A) A Peanut
B) An Elephant
C) The Moon
D) Hey, who you calling large?
Immediately Mrs. Evans was struck with an all consuming panic as she realized that this was a question to which she did not readily know the answer.
' Hmm, oh boy, that ' s a toughie, ' said Evans, as Vieira did her level best to hide her disbelief and disgust. ' I mean, I ' m sure I ' ve heard of some of these things before, but I have no idea how large they would be. '
Evans made the decision to use the first of her three lifelines, the 50/50. Answers A and D were removed, leaving her to decide which was bigger, an elephant or the moon. However, faced with an incredibly easy question, Evans still remained unsure.
' Oh! It removed the two I was leaning towards! ' exclaimed Evans. ' Darn. I think I better phone a friend. '
Using the second of her two lifelines on the first question, Mrs. Evans asked to be connected with her friend Betsy, who is an office assistant.
' Hi Betsy! How are you? This is Kathy! I ' m on TV! ' said Evans, wasting the first seven seconds of her call. ' Ok, I got an important question. Which of the following is the largest? B, an elephant, or C, the moon. 15 seconds hun. '
Betsy quickly replied that the answer was C, the moon. Evans proceeded to argue with her friend for the remaining ten seconds.
' Come on Betsy, are you sure? ' said Evans. ' How sure are you? Duh, that can ' t be it. '
To everyone ' s astonishment, the moronic Evans declined to take her friend ' s advice and pick ' The Moon. '
' I just don ' t know if I can trust Betsy. She ' s not all that bright. So I think I ' d like to ask the audience, ' said Evans.
Asked to vote on the correct answer, the audience returned 98% in favor of answer C, ' The Moon. ' Having used up all her lifelines, Evans then made the dumbest choice of her life.
' Wow, seems like everybody is against what I ' m thinking, ' said the too-stupid-to- live Evans. ' But you know, sometimes you just got to go with your gut. So, let ' s see. For which is larger, an elephant or the moon, I ' m going to have to go with B, an elephant. Final answer. '
Evans sat before the dumbfounded audience, the only one waiting with bated breath, and was told that she was wrong, and that the answer was in fact, C, ' The Moon. '?
Caution...they walk among us!
He he he!
Eskimo: "If I did not know about God and sin, would I go to hell?" Priest: "No, not if you did not know." Eskimo: "Then why did you tell me?"
If you discovered a new planet, what would you name it?
adjective: Overly sentimental.
After Mary Magdalene, a Biblical character who was a follower of Jesus. In medieval art she was depicted as a penitent weeping for her sins (she washed the feet of Jesus with her tears) and her name became synonymous with tearful sentimentality.
The name Magdalene means "of Magdala" in Greek and is derived after a town on the Sea of Galilee. The name Magdala, in turn, means tower in Aramaic. So here we have a word coined after a person, who was named after a place, which was named after a thing.
In an allusion to her earlier life, Mary Magdalene's name has sprouted another eponym, magdalene, meaning a reformed prostitute.
"In this maudlin melodrama, all that was missing were the violins."
Tonight is: Tribute and The Graham Norton Show
A Clear Midnight
THIS is thy hour O Soul, thy free flight into the wordless,
Away from books, away from art, the day erased, the lesson done,
Thee fully forth emerging, silent, gazing, pondering the themes thou
Night, sleep, and the stars.
Glazed Baked Ham
Right, like I'm not gonna give ya an Easter dinner!! Sheesh!
1/2 ready-to-eat, cooked ham, bone-in, uncut (NOT spiral cut), shank end or butt end, about 9-11 pounds
Sweet Hot Honey Mustard Glaze
3 Tbsp sweet hot honey mustard (or brown mustard with honey)
2 Tbsp brown sugar
About 50 cloves
Honey Thyme Glaze
3 Tbsp melted butter
2 Tbsp chopped fresh thyme (or 2 teaspoons dry)
1/4 cup cider vinegar
1/4 cup honey
1 Tbsp brown sugar
1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
Honey Thyme Glaze adapted from Gourmet
1 Remove the ham from the refrigerator (still wrapped) a couple of hours before you intend to cook it so that it can get closer to room temperature.
2 Preheat oven to 325°F. Place ham, fattier side up, in a foil-lined roasting pan. Score a diamond pattern in the fat with a sharp knife, about 1/4-inch to 1/2-inch deep, and the parallel lines about 1 1/2-inches apart. Do not score the meat itself, just the fat and any skin. You can score the fat to as deep as where the fat meets the meat. If you want you can first cut off any skin that might still be on the ham, but it isn't necessary.
3 If using cloves (with the Sweet Honey Mustard Glaze), you can either put them in before applying the glaze or after. They look better if applied after, but it is easier to see the lines in the ham as a guide for placement if you put them in first. Place the cloves in the center of the diamonds to form a nice pattern around the top and sides of the ham. (Some people put the cloves in the intersection points of the scores. Do as you wish. You just want a nice pattern.)
4 Prepare glaze.
If using the sweet honey mustard glaze, mix the mustard with the brown sugar in a small bowl.
If using the honey thyme glaze, mix thyme in with the hot melted butter and let sit for a few minutes. In a small saucepan on high heat, let the cider vinegar reduce down from 1/4 cup to 1 Tbsp, remove from heat. Whisk in the butter and thyme. Add the honey, the brown sugar, and the Worcestershire sauce.
4 Using a pastry brush, brush whichever glaze you are using over the ham. Only use about third of the glaze (reserve the rest for later in cooking). Try to work the glaze into the scored lines.
5 Place ham in oven. Cook for about 1 1/2 hours (check after 1 hour, will take longer if the ham is not at room temp to begin with), or about 10 minutes per pound, until the internal temperature of the ham is 110°-120° (use a meat thermometer). (Note that the ham is already cooked when you buy it, all you are trying to do is heat it up for eating.) Baste the ham with the glaze a couple of times during the cooking. If you check on the ham and think that the glaze is at risk of getting too browned (like on the way to burnt), you can cover with a piece of foil.
6 When the ham has reached the desired temperature, finish it off in the broiler for a minute or two just to get some nice browning on the top. Take the pan out of the oven and brush the ham all over with pan juices. Cover with aluminum foil and let rest for 15 minutes before serving.
7 To slice a bone-in ham, cut around the bone first. Then use a long, sharp knife to slice off pieces around the bone.
Another way to slice the ham is to make first a slice on wide end to get a flat lying surface. Then stand the ham upright on the wide end and make slices down the side, working around the bone.
Remember to save the ham bone for soup!
1 bunch of medium sized asparagus, about 1 lb
2 Tbsp of the most exquisite extra virgin olive oil
2 Tbsp freshly grated Parmesan cheese
1 teaspoon lemon zest - freshly grated lemon rind
Salt and freshly ground black pepper
1 Prepare the asparagus by rinsing them thoroughly, break off any tough, white bottoms and discard. Cut into 1 to 2 inch sections, slicing the asparagus at a slight diagonal.
2 Fill a medium sized saucepan half way with water, bring to a boil. Add the asparagus and reduce heat slightly to a simmer. Parboil the asparagus for exactly 2 minutes. Drain the hot water. While the asparagus are still hot, toss them in a bowl with the olive oil, Parmesan, and lemon rind. Salt and pepper to taste. Serve warm or room temperature.
Note that when you are working with so few ingredients, it's important to make sure they are of the highest quality.
Home fries made with cooked potatoes
1 Cut the cooked potatoes into 1/2-inch slices. Heat 2 Tbsp oil in a medium to large skillet on medium high heat until sizzling. Add sliced onions to pan and cook until softened, 3 to 4 minutes.
2 Add the potato pieces, spread out as much as possible along the bottom of the pan. Sprinkle generously with salt and freshly ground pepper. Cook until nicely browned on the bottom, without stirring (about 7-8 minutes). Add 1 Tbsp bacon fat, or more oil to the pan. Gently flip the potatoes and cook until the bottom of the flipped potatoes are nicely browned.
Serve immediately. Serves 2-4.