The Looky-Loos

Angutivaun Taina

Friday, February 20, 2009

For all the loverly ladies!


Dear Diary,

For my birthday this year, my Husband (the dear) purchased
a week of personal training at the local health club for me.

Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

I called the club and made my reservations with a personal
trainer named Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.
My husband seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get
started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but foundit was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Christo waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!

Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed
watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!

Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week-!!
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door.
Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the
air and then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the
treadmill, but I made the full mile. His rewarding smile made it all
worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!! It's a whole new life for me.
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush
on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.

Chris was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.
My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Chris put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Chris told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other crap too.
A-hole was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late - it took me that long to tie my shoes.
He took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny winch to find me.Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.
_________ _ _____________________
I hate that bastard Christo more than any human being has
ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid,
skinny, anemic, anorexic little aerobic instructor. If there was a part
of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it.

Chris wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the stinkin barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.
The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating,
shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing his
voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so
I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my husband (the little piece of $%^^) will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!


"BAIL EM OUT! ????

Hell, back in 1990, the Government seized the Mustang Ranch brothel in Nevada for tax evasion and, as required by law, tried to run it. They failed and it closed. Now we are trusting the economy of our country and our banking system to the same nit-wits who couldn't make money running a whore house and selling whiskey!"

ஜ~§Quote of the Day§~ஜ

I'd like to think they're playing stupid, but I don't think they're playing.

ஜ~§The Question Of The Day§~ஜ

Putting legal definitions aside, at what age do you think someone can really be considered an adult?

ஜ~§The Word Of The Day§~ஜ

Sword of Damocles

(sord uhv DAM-uh-kleez)

noun: An ever-present threat; an impending disaster.

After Damocles of Greek legend. Damocles was a courtier who flattered the ruler Dionysius, tyrant of Syracuse, to excess. The fulsome praise so annoyed the king that he decided to teach him a lesson. He held a banquet in honor of Damocles but when Damocles saw the sword hanging by a single horse-hair over his head, he lost all taste for the lavish feast. He realized that even those who appear to enjoy great fortune face fears and worries. By the way, the word impending literally means hanging over.

"Roth said, 'The threat of an audit ... looms like the sword of Damocles over the heads of taxpayers.'"

ஜ~§What I'm Reading§~ஜ

Jewels of the Sun

ஜ~§What I'm Watching§~ஜ

Tonight is: Ghost Whisperer, Flashpoint, Numb3rs, Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles, and Dollhouse.

ஜ~§Poem Of The Day§~ஜ

"Angutivaun Taina"

Our gloves are stiff with the frozen blood,
Our furs with the drifted snow,
As we come in with the seal--the seal!
In from the edge of the floe.

Au jana! Aua! Oha! Haq!
And the yelping dog-teams go;
And the long whips crack, and the men come back,
Back from the edge of the floe!

We tracked our seal to his secret place,
We heard him scratch below,
We made our mark, and we watched beside,
Out on the edge of the floe.

We raised our lance when he rose to breathe,
We drove it downward--so!
And we played him thus, and we killed him thus,
Out on the edge of the floe.

Our gloves are glued with the frozen blood,
Our eyes with the drifting snow;
But we come back to our wives again,
Back from the edge of the floe!

Au jana! Aua! Oha! Haq!
And the loaded dog-teams go;
And the wives ran hear their men come back,
Back from the edge of the floe!

Rudyard Kipling

ஜ~§Recipe of the Day§~ஜ


6 ripe tomatoes, peeled and chopped
1 purple onion, finely chopped
1 cucumber, peeled, seeded, chopped
1 sweet red bell pepper (or green) seeded and chopped
2 stalks celery, chopped
1-2 Tbsp chopped fresh parsley
2 Tbsp chopped fresh chives
1 clove garlic, minced
1/4 cup red wine vinegar
1/4 cup olive oil
2 Tbsp freshly squeezed lemon juice
2 teaspoons sugar
Salt and fresh ground pepper to taste
6 or more drops of Tabasco sauce to taste
1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce (omit for vegetarian option)
4 cups tomato juice

Combine all ingredients. Blend slightly, to desired consistency. Place in non-metal, non-reactive storage container, cover tightly and refrigerate overnight, allowing flavors to blend.

Serves 8

Brightest Blessings,

6 Things people say ...:

Braja said...

Ewww....Satan on the answering machine? I'd be leavin' him obscene messages :)

Anonymous said...

Thid reminds me of someone do I know you? question of the day who are you?

SweetPeaSurry said...

I don't know how you would know me, unless it's from Yahoo chat or

That one girl said...

Haha, I LOVE your week at the gym. Too funny. I teach aerobics at 6am twice a week. You know that enthusiasm and energy we have... yeah, it's all an act.

SweetPeaSurry said...

i KNEW it girl!!! I just KNEW it!!! End: Act I

Insults said...

Hi, loving this blog. You know about so many things!