Here are some funnies for today:
"This year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment.
This is a very exciting new program that I will explain using the Q and A format:
Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.
Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.
Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen.
Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.
Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?
A. Shut up.
Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by
spending your stimulus check wisely:
If you spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China.
If you spend it on gasoline it will go to the Arabs.
If you purchase a computer it will go to India.
If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala (unless you buy organic).
If you buy a car it will go to Japan.
If you purchase useless crap it will go to Taiwan.
None of it will help the American economy. We need to keep that money here in America. You can keep the money in America by spending it at yard sales, going to a baseball game, or spend it on prostitutes, beer and wine (domestic ONLY), or tattoos, since those are the only businesses still in the US.
A man owned a small ranch in Montana. The Wage & Hours Board
of the Montana State Department of Labor claimed he was not paying
proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him.
"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them,"
demanded the agent.
"Well," replied the fellow, "there's my ranch hand who's been
with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board.
The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $150 per
week plus free room and board.
Then there's the half-wit. He works about 18 hours every day and
does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week,
pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every
Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally."
"That's the guy I want to talk to ... the half-wit," says the
"That would be me," replied the Rancher.
Always vote for principle, though you may vote alone, and you may cherish the sweetest reflection that your vote is never lost.
John Quincy Adams
What is the best thing that would happen in your life if fear had no effect on you whatsoever?
1. A lover of learning.
From Greek philomaths (fond of learning), from philo- (loving) + math- root of manthanein (to learn.
"Why was the library given this name? ... Tomasz Zan simply appealed to them as patron by virtue of having been a philomath and an exile who remained faithful to his country."
Jewels of the Sun
Tonight is: Family Guy, new eppies. YAY
Lady Clara Vere de Vere
Was eight years old, she said:
Every ringlet, lightly shaken, ran itself in golden thread.
She took her little porringer:
Of me she shall not win renown:
For the baseness of its nature shall have strength to drag her
"Sisters and brothers, little Maid?
There stands the Inspector at thy door:
Like a dog, he hunts for boys who know not two and two are four."
"Kind words are more than coronets,"
She said, and wondering looked at me:
"It is the dead unhappy night, and I must hurry home to tea."
1 Tbsp canola or grapeseed oil
4 hanger steaks, 6-8 ounces each (trimmed of main gristle running through center)
Salt and freshly ground pepper
2 Tbsp unsalted butter
6 medium shallots, thinly sliced
2 Tbsp red wine vinegar
1/2 cup red wine
2 Tbsp finely chopped Italian parsley
1 Heat oil in a large heavy-bottomed skillet or sauté pan over high heat. Pat the steaks dry with a paper towel and season them with salt and pepper. When the pan is hot, place the steaks into the pan, and brown them on all sides. (Do not move the steak pieces until they have browned on one side, if you move them, they won't brown easily.) Continue to turn them until they are cooked to your preference, 6 minutes total for medium-rare (the steaks will continue to cook as they rest), a few minutes longer for more well done. Transfer the steaks to a warm dish and cover them with foil and let them rest while you prepare the sauce.
2 Reduce the heat to medium, add a tablespoon of butter and the shallots. Season with salt and pepper and cook, stirring frequently, until the shallots are softened, about 3 to 5 minutes. Add the vinegar and cook until it boils away, then add the wine. Bring the wine to a boil and let reduce to about half. Remove pan from heat, stir in the remaining tablespoon of butter and the chopped parsley.
To serve, cut each steak against the grain into thin slices. Fan the slices out on a warm dinner plate. Drizzle the warm shallot sauce over the meat and serve immediately.